Monday, May 01, 2006

The Gardener #3 - Thomas

You know, work’s been pretty slow the past couple of weeks since the whole Jesus coming back from the dead thing. The whole city’s been getting whipped up about it. Rumours and stories about Jesus are flying round left, right and centre. I guess people have got better things on their mind than the current state of their garden. It’s alright. I could do with the rest. Put me feet up. Catch up on all the gossip. And there’s been a lot of gossip.

For example, one of Jesus’ disciples, Thomas (some people call him Didymus – I’m not sure why). People have been laying into him the past couple of days. Basically, the story goes: Jesus appears to his disciples while Thomas is out, I dunno, buying eggs or something. Now when Thomas gets back obviously all the disciples are all excited and they’re telling him about it and he won’t believe them. He thinks they’ve been conned by some Jesus lookalike Stars in Their Eyes contestant or something I dunno. And he says to them, he goes “I will not believe that Jesus is back until I have seen the holes in his hands and side. Until I have physically touched them, I will not believe that it’s Jesus you’ve seen.”

Now a week later Jesus appears to the disciples again and this time Thomas is with them. And apparently Jesus makes a beeline for Thomas. And he looks at him and he says “you wanted to see them well here they are. Touch them, do what you have to but believe. Know that I’m here. Know that this is real.” And then he said to him “you needed this to believe. But there are millions of people out there who are going to have to believe and they won’t get this. They won’t get this. And I’m going to bless those people”.

And people have been criticising Thomas since word got out about it calling him faithless and disloyal and saying that he should’ve believed… But I met Thomas a couple of times. He’s a good guy you know? And he was completely loyal to Jesus. I mean he gave up everything to follow him. He believed so much in Jesus and in Jesus’ mission that he devoted his whole life to it. And maybe that was the problem. I mean imagine it… he’s given up everything he has to follow a man who he believes – who he’s been promised – is going to change the world. And imagine seeing that man humiliated and killed by the very institution that he said he was going to destroy and rebuild. I mean hey, we know what happens next right? But as far as Thomas is concerned everything that he’s believed in has let him down. You put yourself in that position. My guess is you’d be a little more reluctant to hang your hopes on outrageous stories no matter who they came from.

People round these parts might not understand that. But Jesus understood. I mean he turned up. He showed himself. I don’t think he’d have done that if he thought Thomas was just being petty. But he also understood that people are going to have to follow him without ever seeing him in the physical sense. And he understood – understands – that that won’t be easy. It won’t be easy.

The Gardener #2 - Mary

So I went into work on Sunday fully expecting to have to fight my way through crowds of people. You know, mobs of followers and disciples waiting to pay their respect at the tomb; scores of centurions keeping them at bay. It wouldn’t have surprised me if I’d got there to find a riot had broken out. To be perfectly honest I wasn’t expecting to get much work done.

But when I did get there – nothing. No crowds, no guards, no barriers… no dead Messiah. Just gone. The stone had been moved and the body… vanished. Just an empty garden. Apart from one woman…Mary…standing there…weeping. It was as if her whole world had just caved in around her. Her master – her saviour – the man who she loved more than life itself – was dead. And now even his body had been stolen.

Or so she thought before he popped up and tapped her on the shoulder.

He starts off by asking her what’s wrong. Now at first she doesn’t recognise him – she thinks he’s me. She even asks him, you know, “have you seen Jesus? Have you moved him? Just tell me and I’ll go and get him” you know, I mean she is desperate. And he’s just standing there in front of her and she ain’t got a clue. Now I’ve probably been unfair on the poor girl recently, taking the mick for not twigging that it was him and all. But she was emotional, she had tears in her eyes it would have been blurry… And if I’m entirely honest, it’s not as if I recognised him either. I mean, he looked different somehow you know? And be fair you hardly expect three-day-old corpses to be prancing around gardens asking you questions do ya? So I can’t really blame her for not knowing it was him.

But then he said her name. Just that, nothing else, he just said: “Mary”. And she knew. She knew it were him. You should have seen her face – it was like she’d just been punk’d or something – you know? She was on another planet. It was amazing. But then he says to her, he says “don’t hold onto me coz I’ve not yet gone back to my father. But go and tell everyone else that I’m back and I’m going home.

Now this is the weird bit. Coz if that had been me, I’d have stayed. I wouldn’t have gone off no matter who told me. This guy’s been dead all weekend and now he’s back? I’d have…clung onto his leg or something. But she goes. And not even begrudgingly, she’s skipping off down the road, she’s full of it. Her master has told her to go and she just goes. And I just don’t get that, you know? She’s just got what she couldn’t dare to hope for. And she leaves him – ecstatic – because he tells her to. I just don’t get that.

The Gardener

Hey hey hey. Just got back from Roots which was pretty cool. Matt asked me to write three short monologues to be performed over the weekend at various points. Only having a week in which to do them, however, made it kinda challenging so it was all a bit rushed. This first one was particularly difficult to learn for some reason and I stumbled over a lot of it on the Friday night. I wasn't feeling all that great about it but then got a really positive response from people afterwards. So here it is...




The Gardener

As a gardener you tend to get about. I do freelance work mostly so I’m all over the shop. I’ve done ‘em all. Jews, Romans, tax collectors, political officials. I do private, public… Round these parts, people know that if you want a decent display, Frank’s your man. I mean I’m hardly world famous but round here, people know me. And when you’re working in people’s garden’s you get talking. And after a while… people start to tell me things. I don’t know why exactly but everyone trusts the gardener. Well, who am I going to tell other than the chrysanthemums right? So I’m told certain things. I overhear certain other things… And when you’re working in people’s private gardens – doing window displays that sort of thing – you see a lot of things that probably aren’t meant to be seen. You wouldn’t think it to look at me but I know more about what goes on in this city than the Romans do.

If you want the gossip, come to Frank.

Which is why I suppose I’ve had everyone asking me about what happened that Sunday a couple of weeks back. I mean you’ve heard the rumours by now right? Jesus – the controversial rabbi – who was crucified and buried about this time a fortnight ago? They say he’s back. Raised from the dead to… carry on his mission, get revenge on the people who killed him, prove that he could do it? I dunno. I can tell you this much though. They’re more than just rumours.

I’d been asked to work on the Arimathea tomb after Jesus had been buried there on the Friday. I’ve done a lot of work for Joseph in the past so he asked me to take care of it. Now, it was too late to start anything on the Friday and Saturday, of course was the Sabbath (I don’t care what you believe, you don’t work on a rabbi’s tomb on the Sabbath). So I was going to start work on it on the Sunday. Only I never quite got that far.

I get to the garden on the Sunday morning and there in the distance I see the tomb. It’s open. It’s empty. And outside stands this woman, crying. No prizes for guessing who. Mary Magdalene. It wouldn’t surprise me if she’d been standing in that same spot since Friday night. Well, obviously she hadn’t or she’d have known what had happened. Seeing her there, I didn’t know what to do. She was crushed. And understandably. I figured it was grave-robbers. It happens… But not this time. Coz then… Jesus appeared.

Now, I have to say, if I were Jesus, I don’t think I’d show myself to Mary first. For a start, she’s not exactly the sharpest tool in the box. I mean, for example, that morning, the first time she sees Jesus – her Lord and master – He who she has devoted her life to, right? She thinks he’s me. “Frank” she says to him – catch this – “Frank” she says “have you moved Jesus?”. Now some might say it’s an easy mistake to make. After all, Jesus is well known for being a 5ft7, clean-shaven, Caucasian white blonde – yeah – we’re practically twins. I mean don’t get me wrong, of all his followers she had to be the most – loyal. I mean she was at his trial, his death, his burial. Maybe she deserved to see him first. I dunno. I just think he could have picked someone with a bit more street-cred to tell everyone else that he’s back. I mean, she hasn’t got the best reputation. Yeah it’s all in the past sure but if a recently bereaved woman who is rumoured to have once been a demon possessed prostitute tells you that the man who you know for a fact has been whipped, crucified and stabbed through the heart is now walking about dressed as a gardener, you’re gonna have your reservations.

Having said that, there are some who wouldn’t believe no matter who told ‘em.

For example, it turns out that after he appeared to Mary, Jesus makes an appearance in front of his disciples as they’re hiding from the Jewish officials. Now Thomas, one of his disciples, good guy, I did his geraniums once. He wasn’t there at the time. So when he gets in all the others are buzzing and they’re telling him that they’ve seen Jesus and he’s back and they’re all worked up and laughing and excited… And Thomas, being one of their brothers – one of them – gets caught up in it all and gets all excited and overjoyed about his master being back from the dead right? Does he heck. He takes one look at the bowl of mushrooms on the dinner table and decides they’ve all gone nuts. And he says this to them, he says “I will not believe that he’s back until I’ve put my fingers in the holes in his hands and side”.

Last week, from what I hear, he got his wish. He saw Jesus. He touched his wounds and he believed. But apparently Jesus said something to him that I haven’t managed to get out of my head since I heard it. It was something like: “you’ve had to see me in order to believe. But there are those who are going to have to believe in me without seeing. And those people – they will be blessed.”

You know, I can’t help thinking. I was there. You know? I saw him. But what if I hadn’t? Would I believe? I mean all I’d have to go on was the word of some crazy woman and a bunch of fanatics who have probably kept themselves locked up too long. I mean if it was one of the Roman officials or one of the High Priests then maybe but these guys… Is anyone gonna believe them? I guess we’ll just to have to wait and see.

To Tell You the Truth...

Last February, Jonathan Byfield asked me to do the bible thought/message for a musical festival hosted by the band and songsters. I wrote this for me and Claire.

(I'm not sure how clear it comes out with bloggers unique method of editing out unnesessary space marks - I haven't been able to include any space between our names and our dialogue)

To Tell You the Truth…

Glyn Ladies and gentlemen,

Claire we stand before you now,

Glyn on a pedestal,

Claire high and towering.

Glyn It’s a pedestal from which we can look down at all you lovely people.

Claire A pedestal from which you all look like ants.

Glyn A pedestal that has served us for many years.

Claire A pedestal that has been passed down from generation to generation.

Glyn A tall pedestal.

Claire A strong pedestal.

Glyn An indestructible pedestal.

Claire Well…

Glyn kind of.

Claire To tell you the truth,

Glyn if we’re completely honest,

Claire it’s a bit…

Glyn a bit…

C&G old!

Claire Time has not been good to our pedestal.

Glyn It’s chipped

Claire and cracked

Glyn and a little bit wobbly.

Claire But we stand before you now,

Glyn on our pedestal,

Claire insecure as it is,

Glyn ready to impart some wisdom,

Claire speak some truth

Glyn and shed some light onto you,

Claire the ground-dwellers.

(Grin. Pause. Exchange glances. Grin fades)

Glyn At least that was the plan.

Claire You see…

Glyn the thing about our pedestal is…it’s…

Claire it’s…

Glyn Well to tell you the truth,

Claire if we’re completely honest,

Glyn it’s collapsed.

Claire Flattened

Glyn Completely

Claire Nothing but a pile of rubble.

Glyn Rubble that was once a fine pedestal.

Claire But is now…just…

Glyn …rubble.

Claire So,

Glyn ladies and gentlemen,

Claire we stand before you now,

Glyn in the shallow hole that was once the foundation of our pedestal,

Claire smiling up at you,

Glyn the ground-dwellers,

Claire asking for just a moment of your time,

Glyn so that we might tell you that,

Claire despite our current trench-residing situation,

Glyn we’re doing just great.

Claire We’ve chosen to embrace this hole.

Glyn To see it as an opportunity for growth.

Claire Real character building stuff.

Glyn God has placed us in this hole,

Claire so that we might dig a much deeper hole,

Glyn which will form the foundation of our next pedestal.

Claire So we approach the circumstances regarding our hole prayerfully,

Glyn doctrinally,

Claire and with the greatest humility.

Glyn Right!

Claire Right?

Glyn Yeah!

Claire Yeah?

Glyn Sure!

Claire Sure?

Glyn Weeeeell…to tell you the truth,

Claire if we’re completely honest,

Glyn we’ve not taken to our recent hole-shaped opportunity as gracefully as you might have thought.

Claire Since the expiration of our pedestal, things haven’t exactly been easy.

Glyn We’ve…struggled.

Claire We’ve slipped up on occasion.

Glyn Our attitude could maybe have been better.

Claire Perhaps.

Glyn Perhaps.

Claire Our prayer life may not be as passionate as it once was.

Glyn Our bible study not quite as disciplined.

Claire Our Christian standard of living not so…

Glyn not quite so…

Claire to tell you the truth

Glyn if we’re completely honest,

Claire we’re not doing very well at all.

Glyn We get scared.

Claire And angry.

Glyn And irrational.

Claire And insecure.

Glyn We lie.

Claire And doubt.

Glyn And lust.

Claire Well…

Glyn I lust.

Claire We obsess over self-image.

Glyn We panic about things that shouldn’t worry us

Claire We blame others for our mistakes.

Glyn We blame God for everyone’s mistakes.

Claire We get depressed.

Glyn And anxious.

Claire And selfish.

Glyn And insensitive.

Claire To say that all our actions are inspired by God and motivated by love would be…

Glyn well it would be generous

Claire to say the least.

Glyn To tell you the truth,

Claire if we’re completely honest,

Glyn we are,

Claire in no uncertain terms,

Glyn a bit of a mess.

Claire So,

Glyn ladies and gentlemen,

Claire we stand before you now,

Glyn in a mess,

Claire to let you know that despite our shortcomings,

Glyn and failings,

Claire and flaws,

Glyn we are,

Claire in fact,

Glyn in pretty good company.

Claire Ladies and gentlemen,

Glyn we present to you,

Claire the bible,

Glyn which is filled with flawed misfits.

Claire For example,

Glyn Jacob:

Claire Deceitful.

Glyn Gideon:

Claire Coward.

Glyn Samson:

Claire Co-dependent.

Glyn Rahab:

Claire Immoral.

Glyn David:

Claire Sex mad.

Glyn Elijah:

Claire Suicidal.

Glyn Jeremiah:

Claire Depressed.

Glyn Jonah:

Claire Disobedient.

Glyn John the Baptist:

Claire Eccentric.

Glyn Peter:

Claire Impulsive and hot-tempered.

Glyn Zacchaeus:

Claire A liar and a cheat.

Glyn Thomas:

Claire Doubter.

Glyn And yet God,

Claire in a various number of God like ways,

Glyn managed to use them all.

Claire In his second letter to the Corinthians,

Glyn chapter 12

Claire verses 7-10,

Glyn Paul says this:

Claire To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.

Glyn Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.

Claire But he said to me:

Glyn “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Claire Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Glyn That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.

Claire For when I am weak,

Glyn then I am strong.

Claire Ladies and gentlemen,

Glyn we stand before you now,

Claire laid bare,

Glyn to inform you that whatever success we might have,

Claire whatever we might achieve,

Glyn whatever we just happen to get right,

Claire we can assure you,

Glyn that to tell you the truth,

Claire if we’re completely honest,

Glyn it has absolutely nothing to do with us.