Advent Poems (Dec 22nd) - If I Were a Turkey

To be sung to the tune of If I were a Rich Man from Fiddler on the Roof (I have attached the song so you can play it and sing along if you don't know it).

If I were a turkey

Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble yum

I would run away at Christmas time

If I were a turkey bird

I’d really have to work hard

Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble yum

Christmas day is not a festive time

If you are a big, fat turkey bird

I’d act like big fat cows or small tiny gerbils

Dogs, cats or any kind of pet

Animals that aren’t served as Christmas lunch

There would be one mad turkey just going moo

And one even madder who’s a vet

And one crazed bird who thinks he’s Captain Crunch

I’d wag my tail and purr and bark and I’d bleat and neigh

For the farm to see and hear

Anytime the farmer or wife gets near

And each loud “woof!” and “meow!” and “baaa!” and “eeaaw!”

Would land like a trumpet on the ear

As if to say “there are no turkeys here.”

If I were a turkey

Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble yum

I would run away at Christmas time

If I were a turkey bird

Oh sage and onion stuffing

Mix it, boil it, stir it, ball it and then stick it up my bum

Christmas day is not a festive time

If you are a big, fat turkey bird

I’d hide in sheds or trees or behind other turkeys

Inside a bush or underground

Anywhere to make sure that I wasn’t seen

I would hitch-hike my way to some exotic country

Somewhere where I could not be found

Where turkeys are treated like kings and queens

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!

They would ask me to advise them,

Like a Mother Goose the Wise.

"If you please, Sir Turkey..."

"Pardon me, Sir Turkey..."

Posing problems that would cross my farmer's eyes.

Gobble Gooooooble

Gobble Gooooooble

Gobble Gooooooble

Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuum

And it won't make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong.

When you're there, they treat you like a god.

If I were there, I'd have the time that I lack

To sit in the sun all day and tan.

And made to feel that I stood at ten feet tall

And at Christmas they’d serve the finest of foods

And I am not on the menu plan.

And that would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I were a turkey

Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble yum

All day long I’d gobble gobble yum

If I were a turkey bird

I’d really have to work hard

Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble yum

There are things I never could avoid

Christmas time my neck would feel a void

That is why I’m vastly overjoyed

That I’m not a turkey bird

Copyright © 2007 Glyn Harries